The benefits of self-loathing:

No one can hate me as much as I hate myself. It is impossible for anyone to say or doing anything that is crueler than the narrative of my own brain. In this regard, I am invincible. Within this ongoing process of metabolizing my traumas(which, cannot be measured against anyone else’s) I choose to use my self-hatred and self-loathing as tools as opposed to weights. If they are going to be there, within the exploration of relationship to diagnosis of C-PTSD, ADHD, anxiety and depression, they might as well be used to create something.